Femme Sage
As a midwife x over 35 years now and a mum of 4 kiddos ages 27 to 36, and a grandma to 2 little ones, this post shares one of the truest truths I know: we do not make or break our children. They come with their own stories and journeys and our job is to be there with love, understanding and resilience to support them on that journey for a lifetime.
So yes – all the things you plan for – home birth, extended breastfeeding, deeply connected parenting, co-sleeping, homeschooling – whatever of it you chose. Do it because it’s right for you and your child, because you love doing it and because it works for you; not to cultivate a perfect person or to overcompensate for the trauma you may have had. Pay attention to what each child needs because that’s different for each too.
I promise I’ve worked with families who did all the things and no, there’s NO perfect recipe for the ever happy, ever healthy child or adult. Life is more complex than that. So if your kids do have health challenges, need that antibiotic you worked so hard to avoid to help them have a healthy gut, breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned and you need to use a bottle and formula, you have to have a caesarean – it’s all o.k. It’s life’s journey, not your failing and little ones are so resilient.
I’ve midwifed so many mamas going crazy trying to get to so right, protecting kids from so much of modern living. Yes, let us nourish and protect our babes and our teens and our adult children of course. But also find the inner peace that you are doing your best and it not only doesn’t have to be perfect – it won’t be.
Allowing ourselves this grace makes the journey easier, more joyous and allows us to see our children for who they are and what they need rather than just as products of what we do. It allows us to parent more authentically and vulnerably and be more in the intuitive moment.
And it allows us to see our children in their fullness and gives them permission also not to be perfect but instead resilient humans who understand that we are all humans doing our best and not perfect beings.
Be easy on yourself mama. Every single day.